Swine flu. Run for my life!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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