I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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