he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
