I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
