He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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