so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
