you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
