So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
