Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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