Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
