I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.