how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
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I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .