thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday