Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!