just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.