I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
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My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
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You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays