I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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