i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
