just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
