You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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