I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
