Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
