he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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