woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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