i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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