he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
