just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
