yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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