literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
