Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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