sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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