It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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