did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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