i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
