she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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