i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
