i jhust puked up my retainher.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
