he shaved USA in his pubs
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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