Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
