those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
