Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dear god my vagina.
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