the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
