Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
