I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
