i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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