About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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