He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
