her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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