she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
