I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
