Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
