I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
