so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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