Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
