if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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