He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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