Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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