the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
