i already hear my dad disowning me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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