how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
