I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
