i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize