Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
