we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
