Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
