I hate all girls vehemently.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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