Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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