I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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