Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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