NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
