I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
