The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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