you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
