Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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