If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
