I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
