I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
