it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
