i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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