I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
