he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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