woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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