oh god the rape fog is back!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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